Flattered, guilty, doubtful, fear of change – these are probably some of the emotions you will feel during your resignation. Sometimes just one, or maybe the whole lot, depending on how your manager reacts. Resigning isn’t meant to be easy, but what we must remember and what should make us feel more confident is that it is very often the only thing that belongs to us. It does not need to be accepted, negotiated or signed. We own it. Another glimpse of optimism is that your resignation should mean that you are that much closer to realizing your wish list – the 5 things you said you would like to change about your current company/position when you began your search. But very often this is all forgotten by the craftiness of the counteroffer.

Did you know it can cost your company up to 5 times more to replace you than to keep you on board? So your manager’s initial reaction will probably be to ask you to stay because he/she will be under enormous pressure to keep you. With this in mind it might be a good idea for us to expect a counter offer because on almost every occasion it is easier and more economical for companies to keep us than to go through the rigmarole of replacing us.

I heard my colleague on the phone last week with what sounded like a very bemused candidate. She had just received a counter offer and my colleague was saying that she wishes DAV could start a counter offer hotline. A place where we can help candidates realize the reality of the counter offer and the motives behind it.

This conversation encouraged me to write about it. I want to discuss a few reactions or tactics your managers might throw at you in the resignation situation.

They might flatter you or use flattery. For example:

“You are too valuable we need you”

“We can give you a review earlier than expected. Why wait until next quarter? You deserve the raise now!”

“You are our best, we value your work, and we will do everything to keep you.”

“We have some exciting plans for you. We were waiting for the right time to initiate this. Not just a promotion, but a raise too.”

If you experience this surely you should ask yourself why your company is only offering this now. Where does this come from? Why did they wait for you to resign to say these things or promise these changes? You should be thinking that it is a little too late and if you had to accept, when would you get recognition again. When would you get your next promotion or increase? Would you have to resign again just to get what you deserve?

Or your manager/company might use guilt. For example:

“We thought you were happy. Why would you want to leave us? I thought you liked it here”

“You know the pressure we are under at the moment to complete projects, why would you want to drop us like this?”

This guilt might make you start believing that your reasons for wanting to leave are not reasonable and you might start to doubt yourself. Although we might feel bad we need to think further down the line if we decided to stay. Would your concerns change, would the 5 things on your wish list be reality? Most of the time this does not happen, everything stays the same and we are still unhappy and by then, the opportunity we have now offering us actual transformation, will be gone.

Similar to guilt, doubt and fear of change will also make us question our reasons for leaving and the validity of the new opportunity.  We need to remember why we are leaving, why we started looking for a new job in the beginning. Ask yourself if your wish list will be fulfilled by staying with the company and remember what you are being offered with your new opportunity.

In all of these instances we should also consider that our managers’ are used to giving instructions that we carry out and will therefore expect us to listen to their counter offer. Companies will not want to lose you and enormous pressures will be brought to bear to keep you there to save costs. And remember through all of this is that we are all replaceable.

In future, if you are faced with a counter offer always go back and remind yourself of the reasons why you wanted to leave in the first place. And ask yourself if this counter offer will satisfy those needs. Ask yourself why your company is only offering these things now. And consider the circumstances if you decide to stay. For example, your loyalties have been broken. Your manager will be on the lookout. From then on whenever you leave the office he/she will be wondering if you are going on another job interview. These questions will help you think about the motives behind the counteroffer and to see it for what it really is.

Lastly, just as it is easier for your manager to counter offer you, it is always easier for you to stay. I am not trying to say that all counter offers are crafty, but always stop and remind yourself of the 5 things you said you would like to change about your current company/position when you began your search and ask yourself if anything has since changed.

About the author

Jaclyn Allardice

I’m a living enthusiast, a knowledge admirer, a sports lover and a chocolate miser. Recruitment is my career, people are my motivation and writing is my passion. You can find me searching for financial markets talent, drinking coffee at Vida or enjoying the wonders of Cape Town. Connect with me on LinkedIn.